Memories of life

bahawanya saya, (pelajar)
mengakui bahawa anak saya (name) telah membantu dan melibatkan diri dalam penyediaan (tugas) pada (tarikh)

There are times when I’m actually being force to make a ‘false’ decision.  Times like that happen always make me do decision that I do not agree with and was forced to stick with it for a short period of time.  Sometimes they does it in order to make things convenient for us, but other hand it makes us putting up a false face. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because  I have to lie in order to follow the instructions, but at the same time, this is the orders that you have to follow. What to do at situations like this?

An example was this:

We have a group discussion about  accountability partner, and how we were advised to get one to keep track on our daily life and to make sure things were going on smoothly. Well in my heart this is what I thought. “okay okay i’ll find one when I get to know one…” But the next thing she say “since we are all here, lets find your accountability partner”

The 1st thing came to my mind was, “what?” I’m not a person who’ll go and say to a total strangers “hey lets be accountability partner!” Before I could say anything everyone was like looking at each other and pointing at each other using eye contact. My mind was “okay…they done it so easily, but how bout me?”  I seriously cant just go up to a person and pet him on the back asking them to be something like that. there is no sense of attratchment or thing that make us the same, for me to open up to tell them about anything.

Totally nothing. If I cant open up to them, I cant tell them anything. none of them over there is a potential “accountability partner” to me. “What to do?” I was wondering.

At the end of the day I decided to just be with one of them “for the day activity”
I told her just for that day, and she agreed. The truth she already has one, but just for that day, I join them.

The truth Is, I have not (even until this day ) had an accountability partner to walk with me in my christen walk. I indeed I cant say I don’t need one. But the fact is I simply cant open up to someone I know for a day or two. It had to be a person I know maybe almost my entire life, or at least someone who will understand me and give me sounding advise base on bible concept and not the worldly concept. It must be someone who can give me advise without angering me, or to irritate me when he or she is around. someone who know the best way to approach the topic, stern but not too stern

I believe that one person is somewhere out there. It can’t be any one normal, it has to be one. But I’ll have to keep finding, and searching till I found that “one”. Should I continue with my attempt of finding that “one” or should I give up and give in to anyone who is around to be my accountability partner

Being in the winning team, I am pretty proud of my friends and leaders.  But In order for us to win, alot of preparations has to be done and months of sacrifice has to be shown.

Our preparations began around February. We had our first training session and second training session. This session is to train us on how to build a gadget and the basic skills of being a scout. From there, Mr. Raymond pick up a few potential people and start forming us into teams. The official teams suppose to go form was 3 teams. Camlion, Camelot, and Avalon. But unfortunately the Avalon team has to back up because it consist of mostly form 3. The reason was simple: exam year and hence they could not join MBS.

The original date for mbs was suppose to be at june/july, but it was delayed by the organizers. The Chamelot petrol leader has no choice but to back up. Mush dismay when we know we were short of one member, so unfortunately the original Camelion petrol has no choice but to split out, giving a couple of them to Chamelot and one of them become their petrol member. Our Petrol Leader fear we would not win as our petrol was pretty weak and many newcomers inside, but we have no choice but to sacrifice a few members to them.

As approaching july, we have a two week holiday. My original plan was to stay at home to relax and do some revision, but instead my plan backfire when we were called back to train for mbs. Half of my holiday were taken out by endless training and preparations. We were given great pressure by our pears, each afraid we could not win. But lo and behold! With the sufficient amount of training and screwing up by Mr Raymond, we were getting faster and better in what we do. Things become much better for us.

But we have another problem, The official date for mbs is on the 22nd and 23nd of August. One of our strongest member and our leader has a music examination on that day. We were so worry we could not complete our gadget on time, and for week we talk about it and got worry of it. Another thing is we have a very weak teammate who does not know how to tie a knot tightly or or cook or even take care of fire. She is consider useless! We wish we could just kick her out, but unfortunatly we cant do so as we do not have the heart to do so. But on the other hand, we just wish we could! For some time we think about it and sigh.

On the day of mbs, the weather was not of our good days. It rain, and it stop, and in 10 min rain again. We hardly get to dry ourself with the sun and it rain. Not only that, there was a wind so strong till it actually chill us up. We were shivering when we stand up doing nothing. The only way to cool down ourself is through working despied the rain. The rain prooves an disadvantage to us. Our lashing become tight when its raining, and when the sun comes up it become loose! Argh. We work till 10pm at night and we were called to leave the campsite and come back the next day.

The next day was..cooking! Well time to prove what we can do! We cook 25 dishes in 2 and a half hours, while our petrol leader took the other projects over for inspection. The judges cant believe our leader that we can cook 25 dishes in 2 and a half hour, and the next thing we know, they came to our team fist to test our food! They were impressed with our decorations and food. They even praise us and were given the impression that Sri Pinang has good cook (our school won best cooking last year). They left us with satisfaction.

We were pretty much worried we lost, due to our over time of building gadget and so on, but hey! WE WON OVERALL!!! We were so proud and glad that we did not lose our face as a 18GTN scout member. We rush back to Mr. Raymond, and told the good news. Mr Raymond did not share our joy or so, but he told us the teuth of his health condition that he suffered all this time, and almost die. He was really proud of us, but he did not show his great high and mighty self like some other teacher. Instead he humble himself and told us, we won, but we should never give up, because our rival (st.xaviar and PFS) will catch up if we slack. His plans for us for more work, and train harder to beat them off.

A victory for us, a memoriable time together. I’ll never forget those happy moments, the feeling of winning the competition.

Small info.

Our school scout has won(overall champian) 6 out of the 12 MBS cooking competition over the years. This was our 3 year in a row winning mbs. and we are pround to keep the record of winning.

Memories of the time we had together

Its the end of year. Christmas has just pass by, and its time for me as well to pick myself to get prepare for 2009. In the events of picking up myself, a few invitations just simply pop up, clashing my usually peaceful year end. One, is my primary school reunion party and a Christmas party i’m suppose to help up for the sunday school kids. The both fall on the same day, and on the same time.

I had all my intentions to meet up with my old pals which I’ve not seen for years since I left for my secondary school education. But on the other hand I had this feeling of staying with my parents to help out in the Christmas day party. Dad, who understands my conflict, allows me to choose between the two. After all, both are a lifetime thing, and a rare chance. But somehow I’m stuck in the crossroad, hardly able to choose between the two. Until this very day I still cant answer it, and the event is going to happen tomorrow. Literally I’m still confused of which I’ll choose, but I guess the answer lies tomorrow when I’ll be forced to choose between the two.

The other one is camp reunion with my team mates and fellow friends. I really have NO idea if I could come or I could not. Deep down I really wan to come along, but after what dad say bout “enjoy enough and now is time to get serious” thing makes me rethink. I cant go against dad cuz I have to say apart from God he is like the next wisest guy I’ve ever known (cant compare to the other prophet in the bible cuz I dun know them that well) and its hard to disobey dad too (it makes me feel so guilty like I’m a murderer if i do anyway) cause of my own conscious. This builds up such conflict in me to think of other ways. I know transportation will be my no2 prob after my dad, because I’m still “minor” and I haven get any driving license. So I have to say its almost a 0.1% chance of me going.

Only by sheer luck I’ll be able to go to the reunion party. And I doubt mom and dad will approve. So right now in this mist I’m totally confused of the choices ahead of me. I don’t know which to choose, and I don’t want to dissipation both side, What should I do?

This reminds me of one of the experience I had in bible camp

Memories return~

Boys girls in conflict..me as props team (leader? I don’t know) has to hear the opinion of how the script writer wish for their props, the girls said they wanted their way, and the guys say another thing. both side wanted their own way, and I’m (and the rest of the props member) are stuck at a cross fire, unsure of the side we should side on [but at the end of the day I did not follow both side but go my own. lol~]

What ever that Is gonna happen, I really pray for God’s guide to help clear my mind, and to shw me the way and lead me to a path that is gonna be ok.

⁴ Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

⁵ guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Pslam 25: 4-5

I have a very bad habit of getting heated up over some silly matter. And silly matter sometimes could become so big due to the reason of starting an argument.

Being youngest and still staying with my parents, I found out I’ve alot of disadvantage compare to my brother who is way older. Half the time he gets his way and if he did not, he’ll insist till he gets it! This become so frustrating for a person like me who is pretty impatient and wants things my way too.

An example of silly matter we argue over today was the Internet connection problem today. Me and my bro have funny connection, when ever he has problem in connection, I do not, but when his connection is working perfectly, mine is not. This makes it really frustrating for both of us who wish to obtain the best Internet connection for ourselves. My bro suggest this: Lets restart the connection. I was like, hey what?! I got a perfect connection! Whats the matter with you destroying it? And I was like insisting there is no reason for him destroying the connection, after all, the past few days i had bad connection when he has a good connection to the Internet. I insisted my way of not resetting it, but as usual, he’s near the router, and here it goes *tick!* the connection has been reset. I get really frustrated. Now i am, Currently stuck at a lousy connection which i cant really access any place.

Now when I don’t get my way, I get angry. I started a heated argument which land us noway. I did not get a reset connection, juz as my brother get, but what I got here is a lousy connection and a bad mood. Yeah bad mood. I praticially yell at my brother for getting his way and forcing him to off his msn for ‘revenge’ How I did it? saying craps like telling him his msn is using some Internet connection which use away some of the bandwich. ANd when he refused, I spam his msn and making sure he go offline. Well I got what I want, he appear offline I guess. But I’m happy over such silly stuff.

After I cool down, which was surprising fast, I realized how much anger can cause a person to think sinfully. I made the people around me hurt just because of my own spitefulness. If I was calm about all this, this wont happen. In a short moment, all this anger flew away, and I found out we are merely kids who go fighting over some toy but not the Lord. Again I had to say, we should always be cool and calm over small dispute so that troubles wont float up once more.

The feeling when i came back to realize God was near make me feel so calm about what happen. It doesn’t really matter if I did not get a good connection or not, but At least to know my mistake so that I’ll try not to repeat it once more. just as the Verse in the bible say “Mar 4:39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. “

Lastly, a song to hear